Getting Physical

wrote this last April 26, 2010.
http://www.flickr.com/photos/42834622@N00/4488221416

I saw myself Googling for the nearest Fitness First branch in my place so that I could go back to doing aerobics. It’s been two years since I have gone to an aerobics class.
Weeks before searching in Google, a friend was happy to inform me that he is now joining marathons. In fact, he timed twenty-four minutes in the five-kilometer category he signed in. And he was encouraging me to join him and our other friends as well.

Without battling an eyelash, I said yes to him. But then I asked myself: am I really willing to join the marathon? Can I really run and finish five kilometers?

Then I started to question myself: why did I say yes? Of course I did aerobics before, but running is more strenuous. Now that I was diagnosed with osteopenia, I don’t know how I will fare. What if while running, my bones will start to untangle and get loose?

And why am I checking for aerobics classes again? I only touch our yoga ball twice a week, and use it for only five minutes. If I do get to enrol, it would take me a lot of preparation before going to the aerobics class (the Fitness First branch nearest to us is in SM Southmall, which is around forty-five minutes to one hour away). What difference will it make? Will I be more motivated to attend and get fit?

Since I was a kid, I never had the habit of doing exercise (I only do stretching). I never saw my dad doing high impact exercises because he has asthma. My mom, whom I see dances every now and then even if she has two left feet (that’s according to her); never gets fat but is healthy.

I tried doing some interventions every now and then, like, if I see my tummy bulging. I tried doing sit ups for that. But then I gave up because it’s better to eat than look at my tummy. I saw that my shoulders are getting big, and so I did some workouts for it. Guess what, I stopped after some people have noticed that my shoulders look good. Ultimately, I lost interest in exercising when I was diagnosed with hyperthyroidism. This thyroid problem will not make me fat as long as I have it. You could give me all the food that I love to eat and I won’t have a care in the world. So why exercise?

I think this is more than procrastination on my part. Like what preacher Bo Sanchez said, habits are stronger than our beliefs. I think that my inner self believes that whatever disorders that I have will never be gone. I also think that whatever I do, I will never achieve something.

I know I’m nuts. I do tell myself that I will look like Kylie Minogue or Eva Longoria-Parker by the time I reach the age of forty. I tell that to myself while watching them in E! News as I sit on our sofa eating chocolate.

I think my body is ready for some aerobics again. A marathon, I think, will also do my bones well. But until I overhaul my inner beliefs, I will just continue to imagine myself physically fit.

It's Better Automated!

wrote this last May 10, 2010.
that's my right point finger with an indelible ink.

From what I remembered six years ago, I didn’t get up early to vote (even if I signed up as a PPCRV volunteer). There was a different feeling during that time (for instance, I voted for the lesser evil because, well, I don’t think there was any other choice).

But on this day (which also happens to be my 29th birthday), I got up early. After signing up my well-thought Facebook status, I sorted my bed stuff and prepared.

Why not? It’s the first automated elections of my country. It’s also the first in Asia. Frankly speaking, despite all the apprehensions about the elections, I was excited.

We got to the assigned school at 6:40 am. I was relieved to see my name on my precinct because Comelec did not send me a sample ballot days before the election. I was also nervous because we did not get to see the voters’ list at least a day before. I got the number 17 as my turn to go inside the classroom.

The place was jam packed with people even before we came in. The usual round of people were there – the Board of Election Inspectors (teachers), poll watchers, and voters and more voters like me.

I got inside the classroom as soon as my number was called. That was also the time when I got to see up close the Precinct Count Optical Scan (PCOS) machine. I got to see a sample machine during an orientation a month ago, but there’s nothing like the real one.

So this is the thing that would make our lives easier – the machine that could help us eliminate questions and irregularities in the counting of our votes. Well, hello is the only thing that I thought at our first sight. I have waited for this.

It took me few minutes to finish shading my ballots (thanks to my cheat sheet). I kept on looking at the back side of my ballot because I was afraid the marker might be blotting. My ballot will be rejected if that happens. When I was done, I kept my cheat sheet, brought the 8 ½ by 25 inches ballot and stood up.

I walked towards the PCOS machine. I went in front of it and I confidently inserted my ballot to the machine.

“Scanning ballot... Scan complete...,” the PCOS machine said (through the LCD of course).

“Verifying ballot......................”

Okay, it’s really taking long. It’s an approximate of eight seconds, but it was scaring me. What if the PCOS machine suddenly vomits and releases my ballot I’ll be doomed. I was already thinking of what to say to the PCOS when suddenly, the LCD flashed a new set of texts.

“Congratulations! Your vote has been registered.”

I was the happiest girl in the room after the PCOS machine accepted my ballot. I got out of the room immediately after the BEI placed an indelible ink at my right pointer finger. Civic duty fulfilled!

As of this writing, the counting of the election returns has reached to millions. It was unthinkable; I was used to the manual counting of votes. It takes weeks and weeks before we get to know the winner. Honestly, i don’t care who’s on the top of the game for now; I was amazed at the numbers. I have kept on pinching myself; I could not be dreaming. I was seeing a new dawn for my country. And I was thankful that at 29, I got to see and experience it

There are still a lot more to improve in the whole process of the elections (long cue was just too much; there were only three BEIs per clustered precinct instead of six, PCOS machines not working). But the big turnout of voters this year was a testament that each of us still believe in the power of making change. Making a difference does not need to be doing something big – it could simply mean having a dirty pointer finger for days.

It’s truly better automated.

JS Prom

February 19, 2010

http://www.flickr.com/photos/34883952@N02/4231501683

Junior and Senior Promenade. Did I ever imagine myself experiencing it? Actually, no; my mother and aunties would say that it is “one of the most memorable events you’ll get to experience in high school!” It never stuck on my mind, though, especially because I was in an all-girls school. Maybe the nuns would never think of having one for us, right?

Wrong. Not because they never experienced it. According to them, it’s like a rite of passage for a girl – from being a tomboy, she must know how to practice social graces. Her femininity (or lack of it) must be showcased.

All of a sudden, the JS Prom hype seemed to be everywhere – in the junior and senior classrooms and even at every end of the hallway. I knew it was in the air; it couldn’t be ignored.

I remembered my classmates bringing back issues of fashion magazines (Cosmopolitan for Prom dos and don’ts; Vogue for possible prom dresses). They talked every recess and lunch about everything JS Prom – what would they wear, what make up they wanted, where will they buy their dress, the color, the style (somehow it has to be considered or the nuns will be outraged), their shoes (I found three-inch heels horrific before), and who will they bring as escorts (one classmate said she’ll bring her cute cousin, which made other girls squeaked. They agreed to sit in one table because of that. Poor boy.).

I somehow found them nuts. It wasn’t because I was annoyed. I guessed it was really an event to treasure. It’s just that either I couldn’t finish my cleaning tasks in the class or my Geometry assignment because of this JS Prom pre-occupation.

Months passed and even I couldn’t concentrate on Geometry (and Chemistry) anymore. As the JS Prom-related concerns became more important that the congruency of the lines and balancing of chemicals, my mother has also started asking me of my plans for the event. The thing was I didn’t find the event interesting.

It hit me: I wasn’t excited about the JS Prom. Not at all.

I could list a lot of reasons why: it was expensive (and the venue was in school quadrangle!), I was struggling of how can lines be congruent and why must I really need to balance chemicals, I didn’t have an escort, I was an anti-social average kiddo. Whatever it was, I just didn’t feel like going.

It took some mother-daughter talk to up my excitement one notch (at least). And with re-assurance from my closest friends that “it’s going to be fun!,” I somehow anticipated for the day. At least I was in the normal level of thinking.

So what happened on THE day?

The event just blew me away. All of a sudden, I thought: here I am in an event fitting of a fifteen-year-old, all dolled up. I did not care about congruencies and chemicals; I was suddenly anxious to see people while careful on how I sit and walk. Fun and hope filled the quadrangle (nobody cared). My classmates didn’t care whether they looked like the models on the Vogue and Cosmopolitan pages; we just enjoyed the night with each other as company. Excitement got the best in me. It was nuts. I enjoyed every minute of my touch at femininity.

I never imagined myself in a Junior and Senior Promenade. But being there was really, a memorable event that I experienced.

Ohana

March 7, 2010

http://www.flickr.com/photos/43446613@N00/2946021993

“Ohana means family is never left behind nor forgotten.” – from the movie Lilo and Stitch

“Aren’t you going to the Family Day?” Sir Ken, Sir Sam, and Sir Tats asked me after I found out from them that the Southville International School and Colleges Sports Fest and Family Day will be next week.

If you are in Southville, Sports Fest and Family Day is one of the much-awaited events. You belong to Stars, Hearts or Laurels Team (I was once in the Hearts Team). Then you get to play with colleagues from Basic Education to College – basketball, volleyball, bowling, and yes, even obstacle relay. It’s for fun, friendship, and play.

For others, it’s the time to shed pounds and get to know co-employees and their families. For HRMD, it’s a three-month battle with going home more late, more papers on the table (you have to monitor all the games, thus leaving all seemingly urgent documents), and dealing with big (sometimes bigger) and small concerns of the players.

“I can’t attend that. I don’t have any family there anymore,” I said.

It’s not that I do not want to come. It’s just that after resigning, I really do not belong to any team or family – Stars, Hearts, Laurels, not even in Southville as a whole. Not anymore.

On the other hand, it hit me: I’m totally unprepared for missing the event for the first time since 2005. Geesh.

But just days after, the HRMD, through Ms. Jen, asked me if I could help them out. “We’ll just share your attendance points with one another,” she jokingly said through SMS. Nurse Jess also said that the Medical Department will also “adopt” me if just in case I wanted to come.

It somehow felt good. I am still welcome. I am not left behind nor forgotten. They still consider me a part of their family; I still belong to their ohana. And so I resigned myself to coming.

Sunday came. I started to walk fast upon entering the familiar gate of SISC. I was running late for my first task of the day: to prep the teams as they parade towards Monarchs Gym. This has been my assignment before, so it’s a breeze, right?

Wrong. I was crazy nervous. What will others say and think of me if they see me? I held my breath as I entered the Luxembourg Gym, still running.

When I reached the stage and got the microphone, I suddenly felt time warped. The words just came out of my mouth.

“Good morning, Southville! I’m sorry I’m late for my first task of the day. I am here because Southville was and will always be my family. Let’s check attendance, shall we?”

What I saw were surprised reactions. Few others couldn’t believe I was there in the stage. But there were smile on their faces.

The whole morning, I got nothing but the usual sincere smile from each person I got to meet and chat. Their smiles went down one notch, though, upon learning that I was “only here for the day”, but still, they were happy to see me and to know that I’m fine.

I also got the most number of hugs in my life that day. The hugs were so tight; I think it will be enough to sustain me in the next few months to come, especially now that my last Professional Education subject will be wrapping up in a few weeks (it is the only reason why I still come back at least every week since I left).

I never got to sign up to the attendance, nor got a drink stub. I came with no team to join in; I came as someone from the neutral ground. I did the same tasks as before; I got tired. I witnessed the HRMD Team won raffle gifts (they never won before; they blamed it on my supposed “cursed mark” theory) and my former team emerged as overall champions for the first time in many years (okay, I’m starting to believe on my supposedly “cursed mark”).

I may have been “adopted” by two departments (thanks, guys), but I felt belonged just like old times. I was never left behind nor forgotten.

Southville was and will always be ohana.

Dear Miss Emma

February 9, 2010

http://www.flickr.com/photos/21245573@N00/902028231

Dear Miss Emma: Hi. You probably do not know me. But somehow, we are on the same boat.

You may be knowledgeable on counseling people – how to properly express feelings or emotions and how to help others face life’s everyday challenges. But you can not hide the fact that you only have eyes for one person. Admit it or not, but almost everything in you says it all - the way you respond when he says your name, the way you look at him, how you go out of your way to help him or lose focus on what you’re doing every time you see his smile.

You love him. Yet you can’t tell him.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not judging you. It’s just that I find it too bad.

Some (or maybe most) women develop feelings for men who are already committed – either married, about to get married, or taken by someone else. The thing is, men might also share the same feeling, but they don’t get to express it; they just can’t. So even if there could be something wonderful that might occur, this something would never be. Not anymore; not ever. Isn’t it unfair?

Why do people (women in particular) have to experience pain and hurt when all we just wanted it to love and be loved in return?

Why aren’t we capable of seeing beforehand the Right One – when and where we will meet – so that all we have to do is to prepare and wait? We could be avoiding too many mistakes.

Because I know that like you, Miss Emma, I’m tired.

I’m tired of being just the friend; of just staring at him from a distance, hoping that somehow, he will turn his back and smile; of wishing that things could happen the way I want to; of waiting for the right time and place because my heart knows he is the Right One.

I’m tired of wishing and hoping and more waiting.

I don’t know with you, Miss Emma, but I guess I can never get used to life being unfair.

--

Miss Emma is the School Guidance Counselor in the hit TV series “Glee.” She has her eyes for Mr. Will Schuester, the Spanish Teacher/Glee Club Moderator.

Next Attraction

February 3, 2010

 












http://www.flickr.com/photos/81464596@N00/3337485132

After one month, I finished the book my friend gave. I don’t know if my friend knew my frustrations about making it big in the movie industry, but the book “Hello, He Lied – and Other Truths from the Hollywood Trenches” (Lynda Obst, 1996) that she gave made me ponder with my love affair with movies.


I cannot remember if I have loved movies since I was a kid; I don’t think I can be compared to that boy in Cinema Paradiso. But I do know that every time I went out of a movie house, I would relive the scenes again during playtime with my friends (think Care Bears: The Movie, even Robocop).


Things got a little bit serious when I went to college; thank God for the Photography and Movie Production subjects that I took. Suddenly, I saw myself integrating film theories and application – sitting down to watch a Martin Scorsese movie on one day, then meeting with teamsters for the preproduction the next day. During that time, even if we were working our heads off for a grade, I loved every minute of it..


Why will I not fall in love with movies? Who doesn’t want to go inside a big movie house, with a popcorn and soda at my hands, and forget problems for at least two hours? Who doesn’t want to imagine his or herself gunning down bad guys, becoming a part of a powerful mafia, or saving the world? Who wouldn’t want to be pursued by Brad Pitt, Patrick Dempsey or Orlando Bloom? Who wouldn’t want to be a sought-after star or director of a next attraction movie that everyone’s talking about?


But based on the book that I read, movies are just five percent of the above, or should I say, just the fame part of it. Few take a closer look at the job of a producer. In Hollywood, a producer has its many forms – executive producer, co-producer, associate producer, line producer. But it only has one purpose – start movies, finish them, then bring to the audience to enjoy. I will say that they also really play a big part in the movies.


There are a lot of things that I learned from the book. I learned how producers search for a material, fight for it with studio heads (or with other competitors), then either hit the bull’s eye (got the attention of the big bosses) or say “They won. We lost. Next.” I learned about how producers must know how to talk to the very important people, manage them and give them “green light” (getting a yes to start the preparations) for a project. The book related how it is to work in Hollywood – from dealing with directors and stars, managing the whole crew and listening to them, to learning the old formulas but still being open to all uncertainties.


I guess some of us love movies but only because we want to escape the reality of life. We watch movies because in the big screen, we are assured of happy ending – we know that everything will be fine. So when the lights are on and we’re back to reality, we hope that our lives will just be the same as what we watched.


But the fact is movies depict life. Like a producer who searches and fights for a material, we continue to search meaning in our lives, and do our best to survive. As a producer struggles to hit a bull’s eye and green light, we also struggle for society to see and accept us for who we are, regardless of our reasons. We deal with different people and events in our lives. We love them or hate them, but we either forgive and forget, or never forget at all. We live like there’s no tomorrow – though we continue to plan as if tomorrow must come. As much as we are stars of our own movies, we are also producers.


Obst said that “making movies prepares you for life.” This holds true even for us movie buffs. We are our own producers – we create our lives. But I think, as long as we have found our purpose and passion, and we are aware that a Divine Director is calling the shots, we are assured of a happy ending that would either be Now Showing or Coming Soon.


Or maybe, even a Next Attraction.

Weekend Holiday

I went here last weekend. This vacation was planned last January, with my friends in my former work. It was fun being with them - always. It doesn't matter where will it be.

But the view really helps.