Missing You - Not

http://www.flickr.com/photos/33345813@N00/1385100375

wrote this last July 21, 2010.

I heard a familiar song one day. I have known this song since I was a kid – I even remember singing it using our new karaoke. I remembered singing at my heart’s delight, even though I don’t have any idea what the song meant.

Years after, I heard it again. This time, I knew the meaning. Well, sort of. Part of its chorus goes like this:
   
        I miss you like crazy
        Ever since you went away
        Every hour of everyday
        I miss you like crazy
        No matter what they say or do
        There’ just no getting over you

I got scared after I heard the song. Because for the first time after the hurting, it dawned on me that you don’t matter to me anymore. This time, it’s true.

But why did I get scared? I am afraid to see you – your face, your smile, even your shadow.

I’m afraid to hear your voice – the way you say “hello”; even the way you say your mind and your laugh.

I’m scared to realize that you still exist.

Whatever I felt for you before is gone. I don’t want to feel whatever I felt before again, and then realize that I’m still going to miss you when you’re gone.

To tell you honestly, I miss you – not.