It Wasn’t the Same as Before – But It’s Okay

http://www.flickr.com/photos/31878512@N06/4704140020

wrote this last April 24, 2010.

After a month, I got the chance to get out with my former colleagues at work. It was the usual talk-laugh-talk on the road towards our destination and during munching time. But I didn’t get to share much stories unlike before.

I have only been away for three months, so I know the people and the events that they were talking about. But somehow, I lost touch on some of the details; I kept on asking why to all of them. I don’t know much anymore.

Then I remembered; yes, it has already been three months since I left my former work. I have been away for that short time, but it seems like ages.

With that realization, I leaned back on my chair. It hit me: I don’t belong anymore.

But instead of feeling different, I just enjoyed staring at them one by one, as either one told a story or reacted to what was just said. I missed the times when I was with them at one table. At least they’re not talking about the work that they left at their desks.

Does this mean I’m having regrets about leaving? Part of it is yes, part of it is no. But as long as I’m given the time to spend with these friends again, I will just be fine listening.

It’s true – it’s not the same as before. But it’s okay.

Realizations of a Newbie

http://www.flickr.com/photos/40645538@N00/3382448853

wrote this last October 30, 2010.

Time, as everybody would say, flies fast. In a nick of time, I realized that I have been in my new job for nine months.

I already passed my probationary period – proof of this were the many baptism of fires that I had (sent to Ilocos for a seminar, hosted programs twice, and participated in a statistics quiz) and my completion of the new employee’s training program.

I have seen and heard and knew a lot of things in my job – name it. The good and the bad, the ugly and the uglier, the nicest and the kindest, and the toughest and the weakest.

But for sure, I have not yet seen the best and the worst.

So after nine months, what have been my realizations?

I realized that people will never learn good ways if they have been used to the bad.

There are people who really do not work literally – and they get paid.

One of the things that I learned in my former colleague still stands true to this day: keep things to yourself; be at your guard.

People will say the nicest things when you talk to them. But they tell otherwise when you’re not around.

Officials can be stupid – and the more they get stupid because they do not listen to their subordinates.

I could get up at five in the morning, be on the road by 6 am, so that I could go home by four in the afternoon – and not be really that stressed about it.

Some people are really thoughtful and nice – but they will also tease you to somebody you don’t know, only because you don’t talk much.

I realized that I hate people who react immediately to simple things – because they don’t have much to do every day.

I realized that no matter how good I am in making things done, I have to consciously let go of the things that normally do before to get things done – blame the protocols.

I can’t change anything in my work – unless it falls under or any of the following: an office order, administrative order, department order, or memorandum circular. Oh, be careful with the amendments every now and then; you have to know them.

It is so dim-witted to continue living in the Paper World despite the existence of technology – and giving up on it.

Saturdays off are the best thing that ever happened to me – again.

Kids will roam around the office every now and then – I was once like that.

People will get all the loans in the world just to have money – because either it’s for the kids or for another debt that is still being paid.

People will bring you down – you have to keep yourself up.

You know the saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”? – True only for the first few weeks. Soon, you’ll realize you’re not thinking about him or her. Voila – you have officially moved on.

Maturity doesn’t happen overnight.

I realized that I am good – but I don’t have to shout it out to the whole world.

I realized I always have a choice – to make every day great, good, or fine.

I realized that I won’t be a newbie forever. Soon, I’ll be staying for a year, maybe two or three.

Blessed

http://www.flickr.com/photos/14111752@N07/3006420502

My mother has pneumonia.

After almost a week of going to and from the hospital for consultations and tests, that was the diagnosis.

But her family (that's us) is still grateful.

We were worried of these possible diagnoses: tuberculosis, thyroid problems, or a heart irregularity.

All she got is pneumonia.

Don't get me wrong. I see her pain as she coughs; she holds her upper chest as if to lessen the pain. She's also into antibiotics. As a daughter, it's like stabbing you inch by inch.

But I still see everything as a blessing.

It's a blessing because she was diagnosed early. She went to the doctor immediately. It's a blessing because she's responding well to medicines. It's a blessing because her doctors are great. It's a blessing because she has a strong family behind her. It’s a blessing that she will be taken cared of.

In life, we have almost given up to the reality that it is hard to look for blessings in trials. It's not easy; I think in some instances, it WILL never be easy. Even I took several months to accept that having a maintenance medicine for my hyperthyroid is something that I have to live with in the meantime (and eventually conquering any fear of my condition, thanks to running). Truly, it is hard to see a rainbow in dark clouds.

But what made me see the beauty of it was this: my family has gone through a lot of difficulties and trials. Problems came to pass; yet we are still standing. We love each other and we care for each other. We have God with us. That’s what kept us going – and it will be the same formula that we’ll still be using.

What was more surprising was that I never had an inch of worry when I found out about my mother’s pneumonia. I was confident about all the facts: it was detected very early, medicines are given, and it’s curable. The first words that I thought of were “Thank you, God.” I was a revelation to myself: I guess my faith matured an inch.

My mother has us for a family. Together, we have a faith as strong as our love for each other. We are blessed – and we will continue to share blessings.

All she got is pneumonia.

Grateful

I just feel that my Love Tank is so full. And it’s only the fifth day of the new year.

Yesterday, I went to my former company to play Santa Claus to my friends – hey, it’s still Christmas. Although I was not able to meet most of them due to traffic, I still excitedly bundled their gifts. With the help of my former colleagues in Human Resources Department, the gifts were delivered. I knew they got into their hands – my cellphone was bombarded with “thank you’s.”

I am grateful for that. I never thought I would get a lot of TYs in a day. It was enough to keep me going.

Today, after almost thirty years, I got to meet and greet one of my godmothers. She resides in Sydney, Australia, and got to know her in pictures and through my mother’s stories (she was one of her childhood friends). Although my mother said that my godmother saw me when I was a toddler, this was the first time that I really saw her and I was sane (I mean, you don’t get to remember much the people when you were a tot, right?)

I am grateful for the four hours that my family and I spent with her (and her family, too). I have never been so tightly hugged – it was like the years of not seeing each other just melted at once.

My Love Tank is so full. I feel that it’s so overflowing, I need to give love  back.

Want me to give you a hug?